How Badly Do You Want To Be A Naked Vampire?
A harrowing piece up on BlogStage today about the dangers independent actors face going on auditions. It's a scary and also fascinating exploration of the notion of instinct, and how we all learn to draw the line between ambition and self-respect. The most provocative passage:
As a new actor fresh out of college, I told myself that I would go to every audition offered to me. When I got a call to audition for a nonunion film at the director's house way out in Brooklyn, I stapled my headshot and résumé and pulled out my subway map. Did I have reservations? Certainly. I Googled the director and found that he had attained distribution for another film. I also noted that the film appeared to involve a lot of vampires running around very scantily clad. I was wary, but the vampire film was out on DVD. I wanted to be on DVD. So I went to the audition, and upon minutes of reading the very poorly spelled sides, I was informed that they would like to offer me a part, but only if I went into another room -- a bedroom, no less -- with the director and stripped topless in front of the camera. I declined. If I had trusted my instincts, I never would have shown up in the first place.
It's a scenario countless actors have found themselves in, and females in particular, who already have to deal with demeaning writing much of the time, even when the director isn't trying to sleep with them. I'm curious as to whether any New Roots readers have had similar experiences, be they hilarious, frightening, or somewhere in between. It's a dilemma that is particular to our profession, which requires profound emotional availability and sacrifice, and thereby makes us ripe for exploitation by the unscrupulous.
Comments
Once at theater camp...ha. But seriously yessss. Auditions and instincts.. troubles to come, if you just listen. So they did and I still went even knowing the script would be bad. Its at some tiny tiny theater hidden in some building on 42nd st way west upstairs with a basement feel. I wait for something like 3 hours with my sides. Finally its my turn and when the director finally sees me he switches my sides to sloth and envy. I read envy quickly then its time for sloth and since the day is coming to an end and he is running out of time he decides to see the last 3 sloths together. So its now up to us to out sloth each other. And for some reason, when I used to put myself in these situations, what i would find was, when things are bad, sometimes i fight harder?! What! Anyway so he sends us out to the back of the theater to make a slothy entrance. The first girl goes (and btw great technique to go last in these situations so you can really out shine..ha) and meanders down the aisle and then sits on stage falling asleep during her text, painful. Second girl goes and crawls hands and knees, as slow as sin to the stage, wearing an incredibly short skirt and cleavage shirt crawling around. Finally my turn, as I am bored as sin, I decide sloth is not the interpretations i have seen so far and instead grab the nearest, waiting 'Pride' guy, make him pick me up and carry me down the aisle, lay down and then i lay on top of him, make him hold my sides and then i speak. Alright, so, lesson learned. I get passive aggressive when I dont listen to the voice yelling...this is crap, or your not appreciated or i dont even want to be here!!! But oh did I just want to act...ha. Success lies (in my humble opinion) in no's and listening to that voice. Otherwise you end up borrowing the nearest pride...k that was bad..ha. I now have a few rules I try to stick to--number 1 listen to the voice its right! 2 somebody better have a damn good reason for wanting me to block out several hours of time for an audition (unless an equity call which you cant avoid, or i suppose auditioning for the bats which also takes forever) But if they ask me to do things for hours, im out. And finally 3 see number 1. Slothy
Here is the beginning of my post it got chopped somehow.. Once at theater camp...ha. But seriously yessss. Auditions and instincts..I once auditioned for a show about the seven deadly sins. Again if I followed my instincts I would have never even gone. You can tell pretty much all you need to know by reading into the post. Its really like a first date people will reveal most troubles to come, if you just listen. So they did and I still went even knowing the script would be crap...
I responded once to an audition posting for a "Talent Showcase." In my naivete (however the hell you spell that word), I presumed this was an opportunity to audition for various talent agencies and casting directors. I arrived at the audition and found a guy in sunglasses pumping Jay-Z from a boombox. "What up, man? I'm Sisco!" he said. I handed him my resume, which says on it several times the words "improv," "comedy," "improv comedy," "upright citizens brigade," "peoples improv theater," and various other clues about the fact that I've done a lot of comedy work. He stared at the resume for about five minutes without turning off the music. Then he looked up at me and said, "Yo, Sam, I gotta ask you man, do you ever do any comedy?" "Um, yeah." I said. "Really?" he said, and then cocked his eyebrow above his shades. "So listen...why don't you tell me something funny?" Any comedian hates when people do that, but I did my best and tried to relate some goofy story from the subway or something, I can't really remember. He sat there stonefaced the entire time, and then he goes, "Sam, I'll tell you what, that was pretty funny stuff. Lemme tell you what I think...I think we can make you pretty famous, make you a lot of money. What do you think of that?" Now, here is where my instinct told me to stand up, say "You're full of shit, thanks for wasting my time," and walk out the door. Instead, however, I was all like, "Um...yeah, sounds good." So he invites me to perform in the showcase two days later, and says he'll be emailing me a comedy script to learn, and that I have to bring 20 friends or else I don't get to perform. He never emailed the script, and the one friend I was able to convince to show up got to the the theater to find a bunch of confused comedians wandering around an empty theater, with Sisco nowhere to be found.